Connotatively, the word resolution brings to mind legal jargon, laws set in stone. Personal growth is never concrete or predictable, and it certainly can’t be quantified. As with many of life’s principles, I learned this lesson best when I had to teach it. Once again, the teacher became the learner; once again, in parenting my own children and teaching teenagers, I myself got schooled. The first lesson was in deconstructing the sanctity of the resolution. I had to bust open my paradigms.
Step One: Bash those paradigms.
1. New Year's resolutions are not sacred. I don’t even use that world anymore. Let’s call them goals.
2. They can be set at any time, not just in January; however, there is something refreshing about a new year, new start. If you are not able to make yours until February or March- fine. Don’t beat yourself up about it; in fact, stop beating yourself up-period. If you don’t have any goals, ask yourself what your dreams-or wishes are-and start there. Benjamin Franklin said, “Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.”
3. Have some. At the risk of sounding cliché, you honestly can’t go anywhere if you don’t have a destination. The key to overcoming that feeling of failure is to gain confidence. Once you attain a goal-no matter how small-you will find new courage to try it again. Remember, even a baby step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction. Start small. “The man without a goal is like a ship without a rudder.” Thomas Carlyle.
Inspiration strikes at odd moments. Over Chinese food one day, my daughter and I were reading the placemats, describing our birth year “animal” and what it said about us. It was then that I came up with the idea of having a personal “theme” for my year, something from which I could hang my overall growth as a human. I have crafted a personal mission statement, but a yearly theme had a malleability to it that was much more attractive than a mission statement that stood for my entire reason to exist. From that point on, after personal reflection and prayer, I have declared each year its own theme and attached a Bible verse or inspirational quote along with it. There was the “Year of the New Song” (the year following my divorce); “Year of Renewal” (the year I became an empty nester); and 2012 looks to be the “Year of Discovery” as my life is venturing into new waters.
Step Two: Pick a personal theme.
1. What is truly on your heart, tickling your spirit? What do you desire for yourself as you go forward this year? Are you facing big challenges? Maybe 2012 is “Year of Faith,” or “Year of the Silver Lining.” Have you come out of hardship and grief? Then maybe your 2012 is “Year of the New Song,” the time when the melodies return and a new song is put into your heart. Whatever you pick, phrase it in the positive.
2. Find a Psalm, Proverb, or inspirational quote to attach to your theme. There are hundreds of quote sites on the internet. Narrow your search by typing in something like, “proverb, beauty” or “health, quote.”
Step Three: The nuts and bolts.
Next I break my goals down into four arenas: physical, spiritual, social, and intellectual. Regardless of your faith-based system, there is enough convincing scientific data that proves that the mind, body, and spirit are connected. To ignore one of them is to deny a part of you.
1. Try to follow the SMART acronym (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-sensitive). I also limit myself to three or four in each area, something else I’ve learned by trial and error. When I set too many, I’m setting myself up to fail. Start small and set yourself up to succeed. There’s something in the specificity of a goal that helps you reach it. Yogi Berra once said, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might wind up someplace else.” Saying that I want to read more does nothing for me, but saying “I will read ten books by November” gives my brain the exact data and deadline it needs to help me achieve.
2. More quotes. Find a quote to fit with each of your four categories.
Physical: I always include a health component to my goals. How many days a week will I exercise? For how long? Do I want to reduce my caffeine, sugar, or carbohydrate intake? I include my physical environment here. Which closets will get cleaned; will I put that new garden in this year?
Social: The older I get, the more I appreciate my friends and see the need to be intentional in nurturing relationships. It sure doesn’t happen accidentally. How many encouraging notes a week will I write? How many events will I host? Which relationships will I focus on this year? Where do I want to travel this year? Will I join a book or poetry group?
Intellectual: Professional development gets included here, as well as books I want to read, courses I want to take, new skills I want to learn. Lillian Smith said, “When you stop learning, stop listening, stop looking and asking questions, then it is time to die.” May I never stop being a learner! Travel could also go in this category-put it where it feels right to you. Even if you can’t travel very far, go someplace new. Maybe that’s just to a new restaurant; it doesn’t matter.
Spiritual:. Get your spirit healthy and the rest will follow. What will I do to nurture my own soul? Bible reading? Counseling? Take a course on grief loss? Meditate? Whatever it is, it must be daily. As I feed my body good food every day, my spirit deserves no less.
Step Four: Put it all together.
1. Now that you’ve got all this in writing, type it up in an attractive, readable font and format. Print out multiple copies and tape them up in the various rooms and areas of your life. I put one on my bedroom mirror, by my desk at school (it’s great for my students to see that their teacher practices what she preaches), my car console, day planner, and refrigerator. I also laminate a few of them in smaller font into a bookmark.
2. Read them frequently. There is power in coming face to face with goals you’ve set to writing. Zig Ziglar said, “A goal properly set is halfway reached.” I’m no brain researcher, but as a lifelong student of the language as well as a writer and teacher, I can testify to the power of the written word. Put it in writing and put it in front of you, and watch how your brain helps to make it so.
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas Jefferson.
It’s taken a couple decades, but I have made friends with the notion of setting resolutions. I refused to do anything because of peer-or societal- pressure, but that was never the problem in the first place. It was all in my attitude and approach. Somehow I had to turn that pit in my stomach back into my control instead of letting it control me. Perhaps that was the goal all along.
